Sometimes, when someone tells you to “do your best,” have you ever felt a tightness in your chest?
When you are already giving everything you have, and you don’t know what else you could possibly do, words of encouragement can sometimes feel not like support, but like a heavy stone weighing on your heart.
Today, I would like to talk about the one thing that is more important than “encouragement,” which often hides in the shadows of such words.
The Quote of the Day
“Exaggerated encouragement is, after all, nothing more than the self-satisfaction of the person giving it. It is not only those with special talents or qualifications who are granted the light of recovery. People can recover if they only have ordinary affection.”
— Yoko Ogawa (Novelist)
Who is Yoko Ogawa?
Born in Okayama in 1962, Yoko Ogawa made her debut in 1988 with The Breaking of the Butterfly. Her unique worldview, characterized by serene and beautiful prose and her ability to depict loneliness, loss, and the kindness of humans who embrace those feelings, is highly acclaimed not only in Japan but also internationally.
Her notable works include The Memory Police (a finalist for the International Booker Prize) and The Housekeeper and the Professor (winner of the Japan Booksellers’ Award). She is a novelist whose warm and piercing perspective continues to touch the hearts of many readers, affirming the “fragility of human beings” and offering a gentle, healing touch.
Commentary: Is It Just “Self-Satisfaction”?
When we want to cheer someone up, we often feel pressured to say something clever or offer advice that will help them “stay positive.” However, perhaps the very act of pouring out words is merely a form of self-satisfaction for the person giving the encouragement—a way to feel like they have “done something good.”
In reality, no one possesses a special talent for erasing another person’s suffering. And truthfully, no such thing is necessary.
What Really Matters Is “Ordinary Affection”
So, what is it that truly helps someone recover? Ogawa suggests it is “ordinary affection.”
“Ordinary affection” is nothing special. It is simply:
- Sitting silently by their side.
- Listening to them without judgment, saying, “It’s okay.”
- Having a warm cup of tea together and saying, “You’re tired, aren’t you?”
- Simply holding the thought of caring for them in your heart, even if you do nothing else.
When someone is weak, they do not need advice from a high, distant place. They need the quiet, warm affection that says, “I value your existence,” from the same level as them.
You Don’t Need Special Talents
If you are currently worried about someone and feeling powerless, wondering what you can do, please take heart.
You do not need to hunt for grandiose words to try and cheer them up. If you simply have the heart that “cares for the other person,” that is enough to become a “light of recovery” for them.
Words can sometimes create a wall between people. But affection will always reach them, and it will slowly melt the ice in their hearts.
You don’t have to tell them to “do your best.” Just being there beside them—that is the deepest, most ordinary act of kindness we can offer someone.
